Wander to Wonder

Sitting on a  park bench watching the passersby. Wandering, wondering, what is happening? Where are they going? What’s the point to go down one street and not the other? What if you make a wrong turn? What happens then? What do all of these people have in common? Fear? Focus? Confusion? Fogginess? What is it? What is it that makes us all tick? Do we need to slow down or speed up to hear it? To feel it…When is enough enough.

I’m just wondering and wandering in my brain. What the hell is going on? I wonder and wander and wither into a tiny sense of who I am until like complete magic, I rise up like the phoenix back into the world with a whirlwind of energy and humanity and understanding. Every time.  It happens. I’m not sure why. I’m not sure how. I just know it happens. So there it is. So there. Can you be two places at once? Mentally and physically? Sure. You sit there wondering while your eyes are wandering. You’re here and there and there and here. You know it’s not right. You know you’re clutching out of total fear that if you leave your post, loosen your grasp, it will all just fall apart. Unravel in seconds. Everything will fade away. Chaos will ensue. How to manage it? What to do? Do you have the answer? Do I ? Yes to both. We do. We both do. We all do. And then we don’t.

It IS about slowing down. Dammit. I know, right? We don’t want to slow down. We don’t want to press pause or mute our world. We just want to keep running and working and waking and waning until we can’t take it anymore and everyone around us is flying through the air at record speed. We stand still and watch as everyone flips and flaps and whips and raps. We feel glued to the ground to our seats to our feet. We feel stuck and trapped and confined and straitjacketed. We feel…oh how we feel!

God knows how we don’t want to feel. Feeling means reality. Feeling means identity. Feeling means unacceptability and accountability and action.

So here’s the thing, if action is what we want to be doing all along then why are we so afraid to stop so that we can act CORRECTLY and RESPOND instead of reACT? Hmm… Something to think about it. Something to talk about. Something to discuss. Let’s discuss. Let’s do that. Let’s put it all out there and see what happens. Why not? What the hell do you have to lose? Your image? Your ideal? If we can’t put it out there and be real and honest with our fears and our confusions and our frustrations then the world will just keep rotating on a stilted axis instead of naturally shifting back into the nooks and crannies that were made for it – meant for it. We all need to buy into the truth that we are all in this together. What we do matters. What we say matters. Having intention and understanding MATTERS.

I ask of you, for all of us, please stop. Please pause. Please take a moment to understand what you’re doing. Because, know what? If you don’t know what you’re doing, join the club.  That’s the first step to find out – by pausing and dealing with the trembling beneath.

Thank you for all that you do because when you take a moment to pause and regroup in the most honest way possible, it nudges us all to do the same.



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